Cocksure

Penises are silladelicfunkaliciousgroovereadycandycoatedpleasuretoys. Penises are giggleworthysquishysquashybaffling appendages. Any way you look at it, penises are good times. So, let the good times roll.

First, with all the talk of vaginas thanks to the critical hit The Vagina Monologues, I feel that penises have not been given their fair share of time in the limelight. I'm all for pussy power, but let's give some credit to the penises in our lives too. Tonight, why not indulge in a little bit of penis worship? We can sometimes forget that penises have feelings too.

For those of you ladies or gentlemen who have penises that are readily available for you to play with, here are a few helpful hints for saying a big thank you to the penis in your bed.

To start off with, let's just take a moment and look at them critically. It's true that in their flaccid stage they can look ridiculous (pretend you're hunting them in the high grass of the savannah--look at them in their natural state, lazy and lolling). But, when they rise to the occasion, there can be a lot to work with. Or not. But, remember, it's not the size of the ship, it's the ocean in the motion. Oh, nevermind.

At any rate, take your man's penis in hand and get ready to play. The important thing to remember is that gentle is better. And, when gentle isn't better, being careful is the best. You don't want to know the chafing stories that I've heard in my time.

Anyway, please remember that the penis is not a lone ranger. In fact, the penis is joined by buddies known in common parlance as balls. Don't ignore them--they want to be your friends too. Take them gently in hand, hold them like you would hold eggs. Gently rub them, stroke them and lightly (can I stress lightly enough?) run your fingernails over them for an interesting, though not unpleasant, sensation. If you're feeling especially bold, try gently licking them or sucking. Gentle, soft pressure on them can also be very enjoyable for some people too. Give it a whirl and try to find a routine that works for you.

Next, we tackle the penis. The thing to remember is that this exercise isn't about just giving head or a handjob. No, this exercise is all about making your favorite penis know just how appreciated he is. Grab the nearest bottle of lube, lube up the shaft and head and prepare to lock and load. There are several ways you can go about playing with penises. You can take it in hand and run your hand up and down from the base and shaft. You can put it in your mouth and suck and lick to your heart's content. Or, you can try a combination of the two. The key to the game is communication--I'm sure your man will not mind telling you exactly what he wants.

Finally, the grand finale. Just a note: they say that Errol Flynn put pepper on his penis so that his lovers would experience the spice in the nether regions. Personally, Girl Friday does not endorse such tricks, but far be it from me to keep this sort of knowledge to myself. If this does intrigue you, I would suggest sucking on an Altoid and then wetting your man down before jumping on for a ride. Diluted peppermint oil just seems less painful than pepper. Anyway, don't let your man come yet...you haven't had your fun. Before attempting to straddle your man and ride your pony all the way home, wrap a scrunchie or some other elastic accessory around the shaft and balls thereby lifting the balls up closer to the body. Orgasms apparently feel completely different...

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