Wet Dreams

The only thing better than receiving oral sex is receiving oral sex unaware. Obviously, I'm not talking about molesting an unconscious person. I'm talking about the middle-of-the-night, god-i'm-so-horny-why-don't-I-wake-the-person-next-to-me sex. Sometimes, the sweetest things are those that you don't plan for.

For haunting visual images, think the screw you slow against the wall scene from Top Gun which I'm sure has fueled many a lonely night. Think soft, slow and hotter than hell. There's nothing like an alarm cock to wake a girl faster than you can say "shag me". Or maybe that does say 'shag me' anyway...

I'm not going to give you any prep advice since I'm certain that the best moments will come completely spontaneously. Though, I will advise that dinner together should consist of lots of aphrodiasiacs and naughty looks.

In the middle of the night when your partner is soundly sleeping snug as a bug in a rug, roll over and let your hands wander. Softly stroke your honey's body with your fingertips. The element of surprise needn't be a rude awakening. Or, for those who are more adventurous, scoot your way down the bed and try some oral awakening.

For a quick pick-me-up for the ladies, I suggest first wetting your lips because there's nothing like a dry mouth to rub a girl the wrong way. Instead of pretending like you're digging for oil, flatten your tongue and rest it against the outer lips of the vagina. Think slow and soft. Gently pulse the pressure and penetrate lightly with the tip of the tongue if you dare. If all goes well, she'll be responding to your touch without even knowing it. Ten points goes to the first person to make their lady cum without waking her up. Now, would be worth writing home about.

Ladies, there's significantly more amounts of wiggle room for testing out the effects of your oral gymnastics on your man. Presumably, your man won't be ready and raring to go in his sleep and you'll be faced with a rather flaccid member. Have no fear, the situation will be ameliorated shortly. Slowly make your way down south and gently lick/fondle his balls. A sidenote: I absolutely believe that balls are never given their fair share of attention in the oral sex department. They, too, are in it for the long haul so let's give the boys a hand, a mouth or whatever. Then, take your time and lightly lick or suck your way up the shaft to the head. If he's still not at full attention, put the length in your mouth (or as much as you can, you lucky thing you) and gently suck. The object here is not to get him off, but rather to get you on.

I think we all know what's next ladies. Even if he's not awake (but really at this point, how could he not be?) straddle him. Insert him into yourself and ride him like the pony he is. For the guys trying this sneak attack on their ladies/gentlemen, it may not be such a good idea to attempt penetration without asking first.

Remember, too, that this plan is not full-proof because, despite popular belief, all of us are not horny all the time. If you pounce and your mate tells you to piss off, it might well be a good idea to do so. And, if at first you don't succeed, try, try again.

Till next week, meet all your needs and desires.

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