Getting Your Dirty On

In today's world, there's such an emphasis on hygiene and cleanliness that sometimes it's nice to get a little down and dirty when doing the nasty.

What I'm suggesting this week is that you turn your nose up at those germs, bacteria and dead skin cells and the like and just be happy spanking your monkey (or whatever it is that you crazy kids do nowadays).

How to accomplish Mission Unsanitary, you ask? Well, it's a simple matter of actually getting dirty first. Foremost, I would caution you against taking a shower for (gasp) a whole two days. While I realize that it's bound to make some of you writhe in disgust, I assure you that a daily shower is often unnecessary. Your skin will be all the better for it, too.

Anyway, the reason I suggest that you not shower has everything to do with letting your natural juices flow. Unless you have an infection, there's absolutely nothing wrong with your natural scent, ladies. Remember, it should make you feel like a natural woman. A little bit of girlie juice is nothing to be ashamed of.

Also, lest I need to repeat this little anecdote: Napoleon would often request that his dear, beloved Josephine not bathe before he got home from battle so that he may truly experience the ripeness of her. There was a man who knew what was up.

I would also encourage you to go without deodorant as well. Now, I understand that many of you would scowl and wrinkle your nose in disgust, but again Girl Friday is a big fan of going au natural and, call me crazy, but a nice yummy dose of aluminum zirconium trichlorohydrex just doesn't scream sex appeal to me.

The thing is, depending on the time of month, underarm sweat doesn't have an unpleasant smell. It's only when you alter your natural pH with antiperspirant is when you're asking for trouble. And let me now extol the virtues of the erogenous possibilities the area under the arm holds (mouthful of antiperspirant notwithstanding).

Offer to bring your honey on a run or a quick workout. Make sure it's something that gets your heart pumping and your pores open. Get a little sweaty, get your pulse up. When you're done with your workout, there's a whole other one in store for you. Assuming that you've just enjoyed a jog near your home, be prepared to ravage your lover as soon as both of you are over the threshold. Take charge and don't be shy. Strip off those ridiculous little running shorts, inhale a heady scent of your lover's sweaty skin and go wild. Lick your honey like a lollipop and really take the time to appreciate being dirty, smelly and sweaty. If all goes well, you should end up like that anyway. Chances are, the next time you ask if he wants to go for a walk, he'll be wagging his tail like a puppy.

Till next week, meet all your needs and desires.

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