Love Machine

So much of the tedium of the day to day dampers our basic desire to make love. Unlike various species of primate, humans are not allowed the luxury of greeting each other with the meeting of genitals. Alas, our social mores are significantly more dry and dismal.

The most soul-deadening of all daily activities are chores. After getting home from a long day at work, who really wants to deal with all the mopping, cooking and laundry that piles up without cease?

Housework, however, can become infinitely more interesting when done ruff, tuff and in the buff. Folks, strip off your skivvies, strap on an apron and get cleaning. A quick aside for the men: the mere fact that you're doing housework gives you extra brownie points in Girl Friday's book.

Attire should be minimal. For the ladies, I suggest a teeny apron, high heels and erect nipples. Just give your breasts a little slide with an ice cube. Put your hair up into a sexy, messy chignon and away you go. For the dudes, prep work will take a bit more doing. Get naked and hang your apron just a little below your hips. And, remember, erections are always welcome.

For starters, put the wash in the washing machine. You'll need it later...

Of course, floors do need mopping, so why not do it with generous glimpses of your backside? Those hard to reach areas should be tackled with a bending at the waist to allow maximum visual stimulation. The point here is not really cleaning, but incorporating day to day activities into your sex life.

Dishes, you say? Well, while splashing around in your basin, water does have a tendency to get splashed on one's front...don't be shy about dousing yourself with a little bit of well-placed suds and watermarks. After all, wet T-shirt contests need not be limited to bars.

Again, vacuuming should be done with long and lusty strides. Think B-grade porn with the woman of the house doing the young and dirty pool man. Cast lascivious sidelong glances. Think dirty thoughts.

For the grand finale, put the wash in the dryer. When your dryer is heated and rumbling along, put your lady on top of it. She should be sitting on top of it facing you. From there, I suggest warming her up with kisses and caresses until everybody's ready to kick it up to the next level. While your dryer is still on high, penetrate and thrust to your heart's content. I assure you that the combination of vibration, heat and direct genital stimulation should have you both gagging to do the laundry again and again and again. You'll never look at housework the same way again.

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