Chair-ish Is The Word

Sexual acrobatics atop chairs have been the subject, obsession, fodder and fetish of many a couple. From S ingle White Female to Basic Instinct, chairs have suggested endless possibilities of contortionist, dirty and/or unusual sexual acts. It's enough to make even the most chaste among us trade in her cotton granny d rawers for red vinyl thongs.

Ah, enough of Girl Friday's sexual weaknesses...onto the show.

So, it's no coincidence that chairs are often used and straddled in the best and worst of the topless bars . Why, short of the firemen's pole and come-fuck-me boots, it's pretty much standard equipment. Maybe it's something about the rigidly upright yet sexually accessible position.

At any rate, enough with the analysis. It's time to take your Ikea for a test drive. When this chair's a-r ockin, don't come a-knockin!

As many of you gentle readers will no doubt have come to realize about me, I'm a sucker for prep. Do set t he mood. This, however, does not undermine the erotic side of impromptu, spontaneous sex.

As you begin, bear in mind that drippy food items will be in use so you may want to set your chair up on a wipeable surface. (a quick aside: this does not exclude hot wax, bodily fluids or oils--your own randy im agination is the limit). Remember, hot sex is hot sex, but scrubbing stains out of your furniture doesn't always scream sex appeal (then again, I presume too much).

Set your chair up. Make a quick review of the chairs that you own. The best chair for the job will be an u pright, armless chair which is sturdy enough for the weight of two writhing sex bombs.

From there, strap your naked honey in with silk scarves binding his/her wrists and ankles loosely tied to the legs. Blindfold your lover for a little game.

While your love is blinded and unsure about what to expect, get a little kinky. Undress and put various bo dy parts into his/her willing and able mouth. Spell the alphabet out all over his/her body with your tongu e. Straddle and rub yourself the right way.

For extra added fun, make your lover taste a variety of foods and guess what it is. Aphrodiasiacs are a de finite must. For the grand finale,get down on your knees and perform the most mind-blowing oral sex of you r life. Stop just short of orgasm and proceed onto intercourse. By this point, you probably should remove the bindings. Don't be shy about using the chair for leverage or anchor. Repeat as necessary.

Till next week, meet all your needs and desires.

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